More Ramblings....

Had you asked me how my week was, "Exciting" is all I would say. Probably one of the best weeks in recent times since June when my stifle began for survival. Attending college 6 days a week should be definitely taxing, I know. With all the mental agony and depressions, being loaded with loads of responsibilities all of a sudden, its quite difficult indeed to balance everything. I badly miss myself - The Insouciant Aswin is no more. I want to write.... Write like many of you out there, when something holds me aback and I just succumb to it. Never mind, I have few good hearts who spend time reading my ramblings and managing to drop in their voices as text. Thanks a ton for your encouragement people. I wish I can post better topics in the days to come. But I can never be a pro blogger, and that's evident now.

Well, coming back to the topic(?), yeah the week that was. I had somehow developed the feeling of being homesick since last month. I have been attending coaching classes on how to "Bell the CAT" ( the MBA entrance test it is) on weekdays presuming that I may stay home at least during the weekend. But it wasn't meant to be either, partying out with Buddies hardly getting time to stay at home. But yes, I do come back.... To have dinner, finish my never ending record works and to hit the sack. Hectic I tell you! But that wasn't for too long.

Since last weekend began the relaxing spree where we got an off on Monday after a while, very much after a while. A needed respite. The Saturday saw us heading towards Power Grid Corporation in Sriperumbudur on an Industrial Visit. Standing under the sun at a scorching 2 pm for the sake of staring at High Voltage Transformers and Relays screwed us tight.
Result: severe headache! :-(

Meanwhile, Myself and a Soul Friend of mine decided to meet for a Dinner after a huge 4 month gap. Plan was to meet in T.Nagar and later it had to be shifted to Ashok Pillar at the last moment. By the time I fetched one of my Buddies to drop me over there, it was already 07:10 pm and she had asked me to be there by 06:30 pm!!! LOL! Make a girl wait for you and see how she gruffs! "Am so sorry! Haha....!!!" was all I could do about it. And as I held out the chocolates which she desired the most with a sheepish grin, she bounced over it immediately smiling all over her face! Even a Mastercard can't buy you that! :-D

Last Monday was supposed to be our department symposium (which we ourselves hate...! duh!) and it needed our valuable(!) contributions in designing charts for the events that were to be held. I took charge over "Play with Circuits" with some time-consuming idea which I called myself innovative ( yeah, later everyone agreed with it!). The idea was to write PLAY WITH CIRCUITS with all the circuit elements which you can think of, and it came out much better than what was expected. Appreciations and class bunks - that was all I needed! ;-)

My passion towards Telugu has been increasing quite madly these days and I don't know why! A Pal of mine dropped in to give me "Koncham Ishtam Koncham Kashtam", a recent time telugu super hit and I must admit that I enjoyed every reel of it. Maybe I badly needed some relaxation, I guess. A very simple story with neat presentation makes it stand apart from other crap run-in-the-mill Telugu flicks. Music (Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy) and Cinematography deserve mention adding rich color to the movie. Siddharth was at his best and Tamanna looked cute as ever! Worth killing 3 hours for relaxation! :-)

And nowadays I find a group always coming around me trying to find out whether am I committed or not.....!!! LOL! "Dude, are you committed?" is one question which I came across almost a dozen times last week. I have no idea what makes them ask such questions suddenly. Well, I don't find myself good enough to get committed. I'm no Boyfriend material either.....! :-|

And before I wind up, let me leave you with this feel good track from "Koncham Ishtam Koncham Kashtam"...

Wish to write "sensible" posts soon....! :-P

Heading Nowhere...

Yet another week in the sequel of nothing-goes-my-way run. Draining me out, completely and emotionally! Chiseling me into shambles and smithereens, making me look more like an utter crap ( wasn't I already am?). With lots to regret and nothing to forget, I have no options but to continue taking whatever comes. Life has never thrown options towards me, leaving only with compromises and no better replacements. Or is it just that everything is messed up in my head or myself being a messed up creature altogether?! Questions storm within me which could very well be answered only by me. (Not that I wanna show off that nobody understands my feelings and nobody has the answers to my questions and all that crap!) Few, I repeat, only few have been extremely supportive at every moment, be it Good or Bad. A source of respite for me, when I look low to their eyes. This post has just popped out during one such low and Bad phase of mine, considering that Good times don't remain forever and always, being very obvious.

I have noticed this right since my childhood. Being gifted with everything best around, and cursed of being unable to relish it and posses it at any time later. Things which seemed reasonable to be desired by me weren't meant to be mine when I needed the most. The real world around doesn't interest me anymore. Now that is not surprising. Because the real world has never aroused my spirit. But I had this innate ability to create an internal world within myself and be safely tucked in there. Yeah, I HAD that ability. That amazing ability to disconnect myself from te real world and connect with an inner world has been taken away. Now I grope for thoughts to fill my empty moments, but in vain. People whom I loved in real remained the same in my virtual life. All I could imagine was the better version of what I was. But later, it wasn't meant to be too. Regrets enough! All I can do is, post this meaningless bullshit which keeps accumulating my empty space on the top, just for the heck of it! Maybe, its time I move on... For the sake of filling up empty moments, and for the sake of feeling alive in life.... Once again.....

Everything around me is just so fine,
But nothing really seems to be mine....

On the lighter side, let me leave you with a couple of Thalaivar Rajnikanth's dialogs which are promising truths.... ;-)

1. "Kedaikaradhu kedaikaama irukkadhu... Kedaikkama irukaradhu kedaikadhu....!" [You get only what you deserve] :)

2. "Nallavana aandavan sodhippan, aana kai vida maatan... Kettavanukku aandavan ellathayum tharuvan, aana kai vittuduvan....!" [The Good is always tested, but never let down by God. Whereas the Bad gets gifted with everything, but will be hopeless someday] :D

So, naan nallavanaa illa kettavanaa?! :P

P.S: Don't try finding coherence with the lines I scribbled in this state.

Cheers to Life...!!! (Though it has nothing to offer me.)

See ya!

Welcome Junior !

WARNING: CONTAINS EXPLICIT CONTENT.

Two years ago, some day in September....

I was seated in the 5th row of the bus from the last, the Sun in the west scorching through the heated window as i was sitting near it. I closed it and tried to have a nap as we were returning home back from college. Sumanth was sitting to the left of me. Had a small conversation with him regarding ragging which our immediate seniors "The 2nd years" had told us that it may happen that day, though they don't involve much in it. It was a Saturday and we were quite sure that the Seniors were in for some fun with us for the weekend.

Call that guy in the middle... a voice from the last row uttered it quite slowly considering the staffs occupying the front seats!

Anjan, the 2nd year faithfully did what his senior asked him to. Sumanth was to begin the show. He was asked to stand in the stairs of the closed back door so that none of the staffs really got a view of whats going behind in that staircase since it was obviously a low floor. The other seniors told us not to turn back to see whats happening there. Kept concentrating with my extended hear-power to have an idea whats gonna be done.

Sing us a song....

Sumanth started with a charm...

Yeah,
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking how, everybody's joking now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!

He did it in a flourish. Lose Yourself for you. There was a dumb silence behind. The were six senior bozos listening this among which none of them would've understood a word.

We don't get your song. Get us the Tamil version of this in a paper and sing it again in Tamil.... The guy with the glasses sent Sumanth back to his place.

Is that all??? I asked him.

Guess so..... Sumanth was a relieved man, and his face showed it well. It was a piece of cake with enough icing for him.

Now the guy near the window.... Came a voice once again from the back. It was me, I knew!

I went back and stood in the stairs with a serious look. There were 6 of them who looked nothing less than morons. A hairy one, a fat monster, a specs wearing specimen, a professional looking prankster (He became my friend later!), And a couple of black lizards. The fun was about to begin. Not really funny though....

Now who asked you to stand in the stairs? The hairy one near the door began.

I climbed up and stood on the floor.

Did we ask you to come up now? Go there and stand... Retorted the guy with the glasses.

I went down once again . This should possibly be the last time I am doing this. And I mean it.

Now why are you blocking the air which is coming in through the door? Move up. - the hairy one now. A bird's nest would look more neat compared to his hairstyle.

Now you both decide among yourselves and tell me where should I stand !!! I hit back, though managing to grin.

Look, you need not order us what to do. Do what we say !

He was bound to get the worst out of me. I held the door with my right hand and started staring out...

Now look here and don't lean over anything. Stand straight.

I was still staring out without giving a heed to what they ordered me to do.

Hey ?!!!

Yeah, tell me.

Sing us a song, or put up a dance now.

I don't know both !

Then what else can you do? Don't you possess any talent ?!

No.

That's okay. You try singing now.

I can't sing, I told you.- Is there any necessity that I should expose my talents to these shims?! I better not.

Now do something for us and leave the place.

I don't know anything.

So are you gonna stay here doing nothing? The hairy one gave a fierce look.

I stared him back and didn't reply a word. I knew the ball was in my court. Considering the strictness my college maintains on these issues, anything which is gonna happen big and beyond is gonna affect only them and not me as a junior. I'm gonna play....

Now why is your face this serious? Be normal.

I kept staring out without noticing him. I felt blood boiling inside me for the first time.

Alright lets switch over to something interesting. Have you watched Porn movies? - Began another.

Its better to say YES rather than a NO to get bullied by these arse-holes! My inner voice said.

Yes !!!

Oh that's good then. So now you are gonna enact to us what "really" happens in those movies.

Meaning?!

Do we need to explain?

I can't act what you asked for.

Then narrate us whatever you saw in it.... Every time I refused to do something, these guys came down from their level of ragging! lol!

Haven't you guys watched porn movies before in your lives???!

No son, we haven't watched any...! Chuckled the bloke with the glasses.

Then I don't think I should be explaining it to Kids !!! I slapped them back to see those faces get pissed off for the first time.

I knew I was dominating. Indeed I was, taking advantage of my position as a so called "Junior" to pee on the faces of those 6 bastards. They can't lay their hands on me either. And I wouldn't be the same if anything is gonna happen to me. Anything and everything is just gonna be against them, and I was well prepared for whatever is gonna happen.

Do you think that you are talking too smart?

I never told like that. Did I ?!

Look, we are your seniors and you need to do what we say.....

Oh really ?!!

One should've seen Mr.Glasses' face that moment. He was totally bemused! I loved it. I felt that I was going a little bit out-of-control against them. Felt heroism for the first time in life surrounded by 6 men and unable to move a muscle against me. I was elated!

This is it. You needn't do anything for us now. Get something for each one for us tomorrow when you come.

What do you guys want?

I need a Condom! Hairy came forward eagerly to list what he wants.

Hmmm...

I need a Jockey. Free size. Glasses was the next.

Okay.

Get me a Maaza, 2 litres bottle and a Chocolate cake cut into 16 equal pieces. The fat monster ordered his part with a glee.

Hmmm....

Get us Porn DVDs from Burma Bazaar. We watch only celebrities stuff! Those remaining black lizards jumped in.

Alright....!

So when are you gonna get us all these?

I never told that I'm gonna buy all these for you. Did I ???

This idiot is making us beg him ! Frustrated Hairy lost his patience completely by now...

What's your Dad? Where are you from?!

I'm from Korattur. My Dad works in the Police Department. He is the P.A to the Director General Of Police !!!

Leave him away... - Whispered the Monster to Hairy. It was Game ME.

Salute us and say "Good Evening" to each one of us and leave now.... Hairy gave a last try.

I can't.

Hey leave him now, move.... Go to your place. The remaining ones shoo-ed me away.

It was a 40 minute show overall, where all I had to do was stand idle staring out and trying to remember that I was being ragged by few useless dumkophs once in a while.

Moral - Its Advantage YOU, if you have landed up in a strict college as a Junior !

Fate that you must listen to this piece of advice! :P

Tagged !!!

I got tagged too, so I decide to write few things about me. (Err... Just one another lame excuse for not being able to "think" much to write during the holidays!)

So here we go...

Ten things I wish I could say to the people whom I love...

1. I've always cared for you nevertheless of whatever I do.
2. Without you, life wouldn't have been so interesting.
3. You are the best thing I can ever get.
4. I miss you a lot. More than I can ever express.
5. I wish I knew you better.
6. I wish you reciprocate something back, of what I give you.
7. I completely understand whenever you say you are busy. I just pretend otherwise.
8. Please don't ignore me. Losing you is my biggest fear.
9. You made me feel special. Thank you!
10. Love you lots!!! Though I never say it out.



Nine things about myself...

1. I have a good heart as you know it well. And I can boast about it till I fall.
2. Trains are in my blood. Anyone here?
3. I’m an absolute absent minded freak.
4. I hate to show attitude on my loved ones. I'm kind enough to forgive people.
5. "Thanks" and "Sorry" are the words which I use the most. They don't cost a penny.
6. Daydreaming??? Oh yeah!!!
7. I save money. That doesn't mean I'm stingy.
8. I don't trust anyone easily. But you can trust me. Infact most of them does.
9. I hate to say "Goodbye". Well what's the "Good" in it?



Eight ways to win my heart...

1. Be modest and honest. Tell me the truth, even if it hurts.
2. When you are with me, try to be with me.
3. I hate being ignored, I say this a thousand times and that's what the above one means too.
4. Make me laugh and laugh with me. I'm sure I can make you happy.
5. Have deep conversations with me. You can very well share your secrets.
6. Let me be a part of both your happiness and sorrow.
7. Don't boast too much about yourself before me. I'll be laughing inside.
8. And most importantly, your looks never ever matter to me.



Seven things that cross my mind a lot...

1. Future?!!
2. What power are my favorite trains gonna get today?
3. Let me put up a chat with him/her now.
4. Yeah, my parents are watching me... Sniff!
5. Why am I being ignored by a few?!
6. Is this life really worth living it?
7. How am I gonna fare this semester?! Just for the heck of it.



Six things I wish I never did...

1. I shouldn't have taken up Engineering... Sick!!!
2. I shouldn't have met few, till now and forever.
3. I shouldn't have allowed those few to boss over me.
4. I shouldn't have experimented much with myself.
5. I shouldn't have trusted few too much.
6. I shouldn't be regretting like this now!!!




Five turn off's...

1. Ignorance.
2. Advise... Goddamn I can organise myself more than what you think!
3. Bossing over me.
4. Lack of freedom.
5. Curd... Yuck!!!





Four turn on's...

1. Making friendship... I'm ready!
2. You like me? I don't need anything else...
3. Are you happy? I would always love to see it!
4. Rail-fanning... Yes sir!







Three things I want to do before I die...

1. Make my Parents, Buddies and my Partner feel that they wouldn't have got a better one than me.
2. Charity from the money I earn.
3. Die before my loved ones die...





Two smileys that describe me...

;-)
:-O







One confession...

I shall never change myself for anyone... Because I'm already being liked for what I am. (I think and hope so.....!!!)






CHEERS TO LIFE !!! :)

I Do Scribble Some Poetry....!!!

We started together somewhere someday
Taking a path supposed to be the destiny's way,
Some ditched me and held me at bay
While most called it a league and had just raced away,

I know I'm heading nowhere
Searching for people who would really care,
I never knew anything before
That I'll live this moment just to allure,

As I tread along the path of life
Future shows me the signs of strife,
The past was as green as the meadows
I look for a place to rest under the shadows,

I don't wanna move further
I can't stay here either,
Future looks bleak till the horizon
While even the next second in life remains unknown,

I look around for people
Who are no more visible,
They've raced ahead of me so wild
Perhaps they were destiny's child?!

I stand still, taking a turn
Looking the way I had come,
This path was well known to me
I go back once again absolutely care-free,

Unable to stand now
Having come a long way in this path,
With nobody here to accompany me
I sit in a bench beneath a withering tree,

Memories have been the only thing which I carry
While others are working towards their glory,
As I nestle myself in this bench
I'm lost among a sea of memories,

I knew this wasn't gonna help me anyway
Yet you can't keep running life in an expressway,
Pauses are needed when going gets tough
Cause even the heart takes it after every beat,

As a cool breeze freshens me up
I find dry leaves shedding down from the top,
As I catch one of them and grasp it tight
It crumbles just like those memories before my sight,

I'm moved
Not towards my destiny yet,
But within my heart
That I'm unable to cement those crumbling ones intact,

I haven't taken the wrong turn
I'm just lagging behind waiting for someone,
Not to hold my hands and to lead me ahead
Just to sit beside me to give a heed,

I hate this feeling of being left behind
Not knowing how to express it out,
I look back at the past and dream about the future
Heading to a world of my own!