Changing Faces

Bottom of the rack did my albums lay,
Pulled them out and they made my day.
Posing together within transparent sheets,
Obsequiously got crowded those memories.

Nestled close in each others arms,
Unaware of our possessed charms.
Closed my eyes just to hear,
Those forgotten voices loud and clear.

Blurred memories came to the fore,
Took me back to the days of yore.
Tranquil moments as such stay memorable,
Fortunate to get away not into a rubble.

For the loved ones smiled as my fingers trace,
Innocence connoted on everyone's face.
Questions now arise why are they lost,
Desperate to bring them back at any cost.

They now stand with their faces changed,
Innocence put to the slaughter and buried.
Running after time and for themselves,
And none of us seem to be selfless.

From let us meet and plan,
To let us plan and meet.
Legs which once ran tireless for miles,
Now run just to see them bearing fake smiles.

I blame not everyone,
For they all were bygone.
But still their heart belongs to me,
Safe somewhere even they cant see.

I shall continue being their friend,
Never letting our friendship end.
Be with them forever and more,
Wishing some magic still left in store.

Making a Choice.

A hot and humid afternoon it was. She had been deeply engrossed with the novel she had brought from the Library since morning. That remained her only entertainment in the Women's hostel from the day she relocated from Chennai to Hyderabad for job. She didn't prefer taking a home for rent as it would bring her only increased unnecessary expenses. She had her guy though, a colleague with whom she found striking similarities within days she met him in office. He took care of her more like his own child, and that was all she needed staying away from her parents whom she missed so much. She couldn't have prayed for a better replacement. Such a smooth and sensible love they shared between them. He remained extremely possessive on her, and that made her avoid unnecessary conversations with men, just because that he had warned her not to trust any guy around. She would deal stuffs with men regarding official purposes though. She never felt that she missed anything due to this. Her guy remained her everything.

She threw the book on the couch and decided to go for lunch. As she proceeded back to the hostel, she felt a sudden urge inside and rang up her most trusted and her only male friend. She had known him since the very first day of her Post Graduation. All along her educational career she had been thrown into various Girls' Schools and even her Under Graduation was in a Women's College. He had been her only male friend whom she confided everything with, other than her guy. She had been in touch with him everyday without hesitation though her guy being very strict all over on these issues.

HE: Hello!

SHE: Hey dude...

HE: You told me yesterday that you wanna tell something.

SHE: Err.. Yes, but.... I forgot it.

HE: Come on! Don't lie. Now tell me.

SHE: There's nothing to lie. I just forgot it man.

HE: Alright bye!!!

SHE: Hey hey, chill now. Why are you getting tensed?

(He remained silent for the next few seconds)

SHE: You have gone mad! Bye.

HE: Haahaa!!

SHE: Then what? Why do you get tensed for everything?

HE: Hmmm, now go ahead. Tell me whats your problem. What were you about to tell me yesterday?

SHE: You very well know that my guy is so possessive and all that. And it pricks me that I'm not obeying his words when it comes to you alone. I'm not doing anything wrong with you though. But he shall not understand even if I explain a billion times to him that you are a good chap. And I knew you very well, much before he entered my life.

HE: So?

SHE: I'm in a dilemma!

HE: I can understand. You are planning to take a break from me.

SHE: I'm still unable to express it dude.

HE: When it comes to Love or Friendship, any girl will obviously consider only her Love since it is more important and it has to do with her life. Whereas friendship can come back to you at any point in life. Nothing wrong in your decision. Take a break.

SHE: Thanks for understanding that dude!

HE: But your guy is just too much! Huh! So you can be without me and my friendship right?

SHE: But you aren't gonna miss me anyway since you have so many female friends around you. I'm just one among them.

HE: Not at all! I treasure you so much. In fact you may be surprised to know that I value you so much than how much you valued me all these days.

SHE: Really??!! Huh, you never told me all this before. Are you serious?

HE: Yeah! Obviously. You were the first girl whom I met during my Post Graduation. Through you I made friendship with so many other girls, that's a different story. Haha! And you, yourself must be knowing how much you had cared for me all these days. You are indeed special to me! You are such a nice girl. I mean it.

SHE: Had you been a girl, I would have hugged you now!

HE: I can't be taking the girl avatar just for the reason that you are gonna hug me!

SHE: Aiyae!!

HE: By the way, though we have been close buddies past 4 years, I haven't asked you this question before. What made you accept me as your friend when there were so many guys trying to befriend you?

SHE: I found out what kinda person you are through your writings. Moreover you were very genuine with me. I didn't bother your lavish words on me too. Haha! Whereas I'm sure that the other guys weren't trying to move with me in the same way and with the respect which you gave. I think that we just became good friends easily.

HE: So am I just a good friend to you?

SHE: Oh God, you have questions out of everything which I say. You are my only best friend among the guys I've met in my life dude! I can be my normal self with you which I cant be even with girls.

HE: Had you been a guy, I would have hugged you straight away now!

SHE: Haha! This nakkal is one thing which I liked in you right from the beginning.

HE: But you wanted to take a break from me right?

SHE: Concentrate on flirting other chicks around you for now! Enjoy life.

HE: That's different. But I'm gonna miss you!

SHE: Get yourself normal now. Make sure you enjoy your life mate. I may not buzz or call you daily, hereafter!

HE: Hmmm! But make sure that you come back to me whenever you feel like. Keep me informed about your well being and also in case you find yourself in any personal problem. I'm sure I can get you out of it very easily. I wanna be there with you at least during those moments.

SHE: Sure I will. Don't worry.

HE: Hope you will keep remembering me once in a while.

SHE: Cha cha, no I wont! Haahaa!

HE: Get lost, Idiot! Miss you..... Stay in touch. Bye!

Disclaimer: The above conversation/story is the result of jobless thoughts over conflicts between Love and Friendship which a girl would face when she has an extra possessive guy and a super good friend. Any resemblance to other impersonal stories is purely, and convincingly INTENTIONAL !!! :P

Mission Happiness...!

Staying away from Blogging for eight months should be the worst case for any emulous blogger. Not that I'm too much an aspiring one to add myself in that category in the first place. And the days were rather VERY MUCH eventful. Almost two-thirds of a year right?! Unable to recollect many, and there's also some sense of insecurity in me which stops me from publishing them. Still this page is being read by many be whatever crap I post, and I was even asked when am I gonna publish my next post by at least half a dozen people in the meantime. Thanks a ton for your interest and support! And I, myself was surprised to see when I accidentally slipped into my webpage that the page-hits had crossed over 2000! Readers have mostly been my School and College friends and Railfans who read stuffs apart from trains too.

Meanwhile, I just had my 6th semester done and awaiting the most disastrous result of my lifetime, though I'm little bit happy about the fact that I have just one more year to crib about Engineering. Screwed up two papers like never before and adding insult to injury the University did its part by setting up a controversial question paper which ended up in a fiasco. So its gonna be minimum three to watch out for this time. Never had I done a satisfying semester as yet and this worst episode comes at a time where placements are around the corner. Never mind, Anna University might spring up a surprise anytime even during the results. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Lots of plans in mind due this summer. At least to forget what I have been for the past 6 months. I get bitten by the blue every now and then, and the best way to not get caught unawares is to be prepared. One month of healthy distraction is all I need. I feel, I shouldn't be sulking when things aren't gonna change. And rightly the official announcement has come that my college reopens only on June 24th. 40 whole days!!! Thanks for being so generous. I need a break, and this is what I've planned to do, or keep myself engaged so that I don't let myself down again...

And here are things I wish to do this summer....

1. Hanging out - This is something which I had missed so much in the recent past. Staying home is the best way to make things worse when you are not at the best of yourself. Interactions and going out with more happy and fun loving people is the need of the hour. Meeting or catching up with old friends and spending quality time with them is always worth it. Meanwhile, my conversations with Mom have come down considerably. Not that she's boring and all, but only that she's the most bugging person ever in my life. lol! I'll come back to you after the semester results, Mom. Or at least after a month's holidays. Stay away Mom, just leave me alone.

2. Cut off unwanted people - This just adds as an epilogue to my previous point. But since it involved my Mom, I had no heart to include her in this 'unwanted' category. Justice done. There are people who don't even dream of making me feel good. Its not their job anyway. But at least they could have been a little bit nicer. They always cling around, off course with jealousy, and with no other job other than intimidating, rude remarking, humiliating, gossiping the wrong and what not?! It is indeed because of these people I was able to segregate whom I need and whom I don't. There's always a good from the bad. Thank you so much! Go fetch a life.

3. Railfanning - How would I miss out this one? My holidays are incomplete without Railfanning. Locomotives and trains have never disappointed in entertaining me at any point in life. They are such sweet lifeless buddies who make me feel light which even human beings around couldn't.

4. Blogging - Keying this out in the blogosphere, it would be injustice if I don't mention Blogging. I have always amazed at people who spend so much time and interest on blogging. From where do they get so much topics to write? I wonder. I wish I read and write more this summer. And this is just the perfect headstart.

5. CAT / Placement preparation - Though both require the same kind of preparation on the basics, I'm almost unsure about the placement part since the results are unfortunately bound to be a flop show. Its too early to say. But its almost certain. Unless the University is open handed in awarding marks, there seems to be no other magical way to clear those papers. Better not to expect that since the correction standards have gone haywire since last semester. Never mind, its all over.And CAT? Yes, the hunt is still there. Atleast in securing a good college if not for the IIMs.

6. Physical exercise / Weight reduction - This has been on high agenda. I somewhat have started getting a feeling that I'm getting obese without physical exercise these days. Not even Cricket. Quite a number of people around me have started gym-ming and keep discussing about being muscular, diet-control etc., I have no interest in that though. Just wanna keep myself fit and healthy. Had a 45 minute fast-walk today morning against the beaming sun and felt the calories burning away. Loved it. Planning to involve myself in exercising and jogging too.

7. Inplant training - Holidays, and yes, time for inplant training. Will never forget the previous year's 8-day training at Basin Bridge Railway Yard where there was maximum fun and learning. Awaiting one such training this year too, and it shall prove to be relaxing for sure.

8. Movies / Novels - My bad habit that I realize these things do exist, only during summer! Planning to catch up those missed ones during leisure.

9. Pray - That doesn't need any explanation.

Stay Blessed! Wish you a Happy Summer ahead! :)

More Ramblings....

Had you asked me how my week was, "Exciting" is all I would say. Probably one of the best weeks in recent times since June when my stifle began for survival. Attending college 6 days a week should be definitely taxing, I know. With all the mental agony and depressions, being loaded with loads of responsibilities all of a sudden, its quite difficult indeed to balance everything. I badly miss myself - The Insouciant Aswin is no more. I want to write.... Write like many of you out there, when something holds me aback and I just succumb to it. Never mind, I have few good hearts who spend time reading my ramblings and managing to drop in their voices as text. Thanks a ton for your encouragement people. I wish I can post better topics in the days to come. But I can never be a pro blogger, and that's evident now.

Well, coming back to the topic(?), yeah the week that was. I had somehow developed the feeling of being homesick since last month. I have been attending coaching classes on how to "Bell the CAT" ( the MBA entrance test it is) on weekdays presuming that I may stay home at least during the weekend. But it wasn't meant to be either, partying out with Buddies hardly getting time to stay at home. But yes, I do come back.... To have dinner, finish my never ending record works and to hit the sack. Hectic I tell you! But that wasn't for too long.

Since last weekend began the relaxing spree where we got an off on Monday after a while, very much after a while. A needed respite. The Saturday saw us heading towards Power Grid Corporation in Sriperumbudur on an Industrial Visit. Standing under the sun at a scorching 2 pm for the sake of staring at High Voltage Transformers and Relays screwed us tight.
Result: severe headache! :-(

Meanwhile, Myself and a Soul Friend of mine decided to meet for a Dinner after a huge 4 month gap. Plan was to meet in T.Nagar and later it had to be shifted to Ashok Pillar at the last moment. By the time I fetched one of my Buddies to drop me over there, it was already 07:10 pm and she had asked me to be there by 06:30 pm!!! LOL! Make a girl wait for you and see how she gruffs! "Am so sorry! Haha....!!!" was all I could do about it. And as I held out the chocolates which she desired the most with a sheepish grin, she bounced over it immediately smiling all over her face! Even a Mastercard can't buy you that! :-D

Last Monday was supposed to be our department symposium (which we ourselves hate...! duh!) and it needed our valuable(!) contributions in designing charts for the events that were to be held. I took charge over "Play with Circuits" with some time-consuming idea which I called myself innovative ( yeah, later everyone agreed with it!). The idea was to write PLAY WITH CIRCUITS with all the circuit elements which you can think of, and it came out much better than what was expected. Appreciations and class bunks - that was all I needed! ;-)

My passion towards Telugu has been increasing quite madly these days and I don't know why! A Pal of mine dropped in to give me "Koncham Ishtam Koncham Kashtam", a recent time telugu super hit and I must admit that I enjoyed every reel of it. Maybe I badly needed some relaxation, I guess. A very simple story with neat presentation makes it stand apart from other crap run-in-the-mill Telugu flicks. Music (Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy) and Cinematography deserve mention adding rich color to the movie. Siddharth was at his best and Tamanna looked cute as ever! Worth killing 3 hours for relaxation! :-)

And nowadays I find a group always coming around me trying to find out whether am I committed or not.....!!! LOL! "Dude, are you committed?" is one question which I came across almost a dozen times last week. I have no idea what makes them ask such questions suddenly. Well, I don't find myself good enough to get committed. I'm no Boyfriend material either.....! :-|

And before I wind up, let me leave you with this feel good track from "Koncham Ishtam Koncham Kashtam"...

Wish to write "sensible" posts soon....! :-P

Heading Nowhere...

Yet another week in the sequel of nothing-goes-my-way run. Draining me out, completely and emotionally! Chiseling me into shambles and smithereens, making me look more like an utter crap ( wasn't I already am?). With lots to regret and nothing to forget, I have no options but to continue taking whatever comes. Life has never thrown options towards me, leaving only with compromises and no better replacements. Or is it just that everything is messed up in my head or myself being a messed up creature altogether?! Questions storm within me which could very well be answered only by me. (Not that I wanna show off that nobody understands my feelings and nobody has the answers to my questions and all that crap!) Few, I repeat, only few have been extremely supportive at every moment, be it Good or Bad. A source of respite for me, when I look low to their eyes. This post has just popped out during one such low and Bad phase of mine, considering that Good times don't remain forever and always, being very obvious.

I have noticed this right since my childhood. Being gifted with everything best around, and cursed of being unable to relish it and posses it at any time later. Things which seemed reasonable to be desired by me weren't meant to be mine when I needed the most. The real world around doesn't interest me anymore. Now that is not surprising. Because the real world has never aroused my spirit. But I had this innate ability to create an internal world within myself and be safely tucked in there. Yeah, I HAD that ability. That amazing ability to disconnect myself from te real world and connect with an inner world has been taken away. Now I grope for thoughts to fill my empty moments, but in vain. People whom I loved in real remained the same in my virtual life. All I could imagine was the better version of what I was. But later, it wasn't meant to be too. Regrets enough! All I can do is, post this meaningless bullshit which keeps accumulating my empty space on the top, just for the heck of it! Maybe, its time I move on... For the sake of filling up empty moments, and for the sake of feeling alive in life.... Once again.....

Everything around me is just so fine,
But nothing really seems to be mine....

On the lighter side, let me leave you with a couple of Thalaivar Rajnikanth's dialogs which are promising truths.... ;-)

1. "Kedaikaradhu kedaikaama irukkadhu... Kedaikkama irukaradhu kedaikadhu....!" [You get only what you deserve] :)

2. "Nallavana aandavan sodhippan, aana kai vida maatan... Kettavanukku aandavan ellathayum tharuvan, aana kai vittuduvan....!" [The Good is always tested, but never let down by God. Whereas the Bad gets gifted with everything, but will be hopeless someday] :D

So, naan nallavanaa illa kettavanaa?! :P

P.S: Don't try finding coherence with the lines I scribbled in this state.

Cheers to Life...!!! (Though it has nothing to offer me.)

See ya!