I've never told her....!!

I've never told her how her smile lifts me up...
She's not the LOL type. But sure she giggles at times and gets me into the tickle. She smiles, and in fact laughs so much, laughing hugging her stomach insanely. But you never hear it after those initial tones which pick up the laugh. There's a kid in her, laughing, trying not to make a sound. You can see her eyes go wet, all in joy! Her lips don't need a lip gloss. Since they already wear a smile. Cute she!

I've never told her how much I adore her eyes...
Her eyes, they're so beautiful. But no! That's not the apt word. It would take essays to explain. I hear waves crash over the rocks near the sea every time she gives a slow wink with her half-shut eyes. Imagine a rainbow over the sea, those are her eyebrows. They are natural, nothing more, nothing less. She looks into my eyes and I go blind, all in a flash. Her eyes, they glitter more than diamonds. She's happy, she smiles, and they glitter even more. She does get angry at times and her eyebrows try joining their ends. They make me worry. I place a kiss right between that gap so that they stay separated, for happiness' sake. She gives a worried look sometimes, looking down, her eyes trying not to meet mine. Only waiting for mine to lift hers up.

I've never told her how her voice drives me crazy...
She isn't a vocalist. But I would rather let her talk and do the listening any day over anything! It's adorable and shy, an effect of her shy nature, an effect of her innocence. I would frighten her just to see her voice wobble. The way she calls out my name in the cutest ever form on earth, makes me thank my parents for naming me that way, otherwise this cute angel of mine wouldn't be toying my name this way! More crazy do I go when she speaks half asleep in bed. I wish the sun never rose up again the next day just to hear her mutter those words. I don't care what she says though. Her unclear voice is all that matters to me.

I've never told her how sweet she is...
The way she hugs me from my behind when I return home with full of sweat, the way she makes me rest over her bosom and make me hear her heartbeats compose tunes for me, the way she pulls my cheek when I lie on her lap, the way she brushes her lips with those of mine, the way she grabs my hand tightly when she needs me the most, the way she cutely punches my stomach when I fool her, the way she winks at me when she achieves something... I declare that I lost to her, and indeed I'm lost, in her! Sweetness personified. My honey!

I've never told her what she means to me...
She means happiness. She means sweetness. She means seasons. She means paradise. She means love. She means friendship. She means mother. She also means a child. She means the most, and oh. that would be sacrilege. She means EVERYTHING. Get me a word beyond 'everything'. She would mean that to me.

I've never told her how much I love her...
You probably might think why I haven't told all these to her. Well, definitely I would love to. But the fact is that I haven't met her yet! I haven't moved with her yet. I haven't married her yet to express all my love for her. But when I do, she would probably say............. I better not expect too much! But still, I wish she says "You silly, I knew it even before you said!"

Mission Happiness...!

Staying away from Blogging for eight months should be the worst case for any emulous blogger. Not that I'm too much an aspiring one to add myself in that category in the first place. And the days were rather VERY MUCH eventful. Almost two-thirds of a year right?! Unable to recollect many, and there's also some sense of insecurity in me which stops me from publishing them. Still this page is being read by many be whatever crap I post, and I was even asked when am I gonna publish my next post by at least half a dozen people in the meantime. Thanks a ton for your interest and support! And I, myself was surprised to see when I accidentally slipped into my webpage that the page-hits had crossed over 2000! Readers have mostly been my School and College friends and Railfans who read stuffs apart from trains too.

Meanwhile, I just had my 6th semester done and awaiting the most disastrous result of my lifetime, though I'm little bit happy about the fact that I have just one more year to crib about Engineering. Screwed up two papers like never before and adding insult to injury the University did its part by setting up a controversial question paper which ended up in a fiasco. So its gonna be minimum three to watch out for this time. Never had I done a satisfying semester as yet and this worst episode comes at a time where placements are around the corner. Never mind, Anna University might spring up a surprise anytime even during the results. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Lots of plans in mind due this summer. At least to forget what I have been for the past 6 months. I get bitten by the blue every now and then, and the best way to not get caught unawares is to be prepared. One month of healthy distraction is all I need. I feel, I shouldn't be sulking when things aren't gonna change. And rightly the official announcement has come that my college reopens only on June 24th. 40 whole days!!! Thanks for being so generous. I need a break, and this is what I've planned to do, or keep myself engaged so that I don't let myself down again...

And here are things I wish to do this summer....

1. Hanging out - This is something which I had missed so much in the recent past. Staying home is the best way to make things worse when you are not at the best of yourself. Interactions and going out with more happy and fun loving people is the need of the hour. Meeting or catching up with old friends and spending quality time with them is always worth it. Meanwhile, my conversations with Mom have come down considerably. Not that she's boring and all, but only that she's the most bugging person ever in my life. lol! I'll come back to you after the semester results, Mom. Or at least after a month's holidays. Stay away Mom, just leave me alone.

2. Cut off unwanted people - This just adds as an epilogue to my previous point. But since it involved my Mom, I had no heart to include her in this 'unwanted' category. Justice done. There are people who don't even dream of making me feel good. Its not their job anyway. But at least they could have been a little bit nicer. They always cling around, off course with jealousy, and with no other job other than intimidating, rude remarking, humiliating, gossiping the wrong and what not?! It is indeed because of these people I was able to segregate whom I need and whom I don't. There's always a good from the bad. Thank you so much! Go fetch a life.

3. Railfanning - How would I miss out this one? My holidays are incomplete without Railfanning. Locomotives and trains have never disappointed in entertaining me at any point in life. They are such sweet lifeless buddies who make me feel light which even human beings around couldn't.

4. Blogging - Keying this out in the blogosphere, it would be injustice if I don't mention Blogging. I have always amazed at people who spend so much time and interest on blogging. From where do they get so much topics to write? I wonder. I wish I read and write more this summer. And this is just the perfect headstart.

5. CAT / Placement preparation - Though both require the same kind of preparation on the basics, I'm almost unsure about the placement part since the results are unfortunately bound to be a flop show. Its too early to say. But its almost certain. Unless the University is open handed in awarding marks, there seems to be no other magical way to clear those papers. Better not to expect that since the correction standards have gone haywire since last semester. Never mind, its all over.And CAT? Yes, the hunt is still there. Atleast in securing a good college if not for the IIMs.

6. Physical exercise / Weight reduction - This has been on high agenda. I somewhat have started getting a feeling that I'm getting obese without physical exercise these days. Not even Cricket. Quite a number of people around me have started gym-ming and keep discussing about being muscular, diet-control etc., I have no interest in that though. Just wanna keep myself fit and healthy. Had a 45 minute fast-walk today morning against the beaming sun and felt the calories burning away. Loved it. Planning to involve myself in exercising and jogging too.

7. Inplant training - Holidays, and yes, time for inplant training. Will never forget the previous year's 8-day training at Basin Bridge Railway Yard where there was maximum fun and learning. Awaiting one such training this year too, and it shall prove to be relaxing for sure.

8. Movies / Novels - My bad habit that I realize these things do exist, only during summer! Planning to catch up those missed ones during leisure.

9. Pray - That doesn't need any explanation.

Stay Blessed! Wish you a Happy Summer ahead! :)

More Ramblings....

Had you asked me how my week was, "Exciting" is all I would say. Probably one of the best weeks in recent times since June when my stifle began for survival. Attending college 6 days a week should be definitely taxing, I know. With all the mental agony and depressions, being loaded with loads of responsibilities all of a sudden, its quite difficult indeed to balance everything. I badly miss myself - The Insouciant Aswin is no more. I want to write.... Write like many of you out there, when something holds me aback and I just succumb to it. Never mind, I have few good hearts who spend time reading my ramblings and managing to drop in their voices as text. Thanks a ton for your encouragement people. I wish I can post better topics in the days to come. But I can never be a pro blogger, and that's evident now.

Well, coming back to the topic(?), yeah the week that was. I had somehow developed the feeling of being homesick since last month. I have been attending coaching classes on how to "Bell the CAT" ( the MBA entrance test it is) on weekdays presuming that I may stay home at least during the weekend. But it wasn't meant to be either, partying out with Buddies hardly getting time to stay at home. But yes, I do come back.... To have dinner, finish my never ending record works and to hit the sack. Hectic I tell you! But that wasn't for too long.

Since last weekend began the relaxing spree where we got an off on Monday after a while, very much after a while. A needed respite. The Saturday saw us heading towards Power Grid Corporation in Sriperumbudur on an Industrial Visit. Standing under the sun at a scorching 2 pm for the sake of staring at High Voltage Transformers and Relays screwed us tight.
Result: severe headache! :-(

Meanwhile, Myself and a Soul Friend of mine decided to meet for a Dinner after a huge 4 month gap. Plan was to meet in T.Nagar and later it had to be shifted to Ashok Pillar at the last moment. By the time I fetched one of my Buddies to drop me over there, it was already 07:10 pm and she had asked me to be there by 06:30 pm!!! LOL! Make a girl wait for you and see how she gruffs! "Am so sorry! Haha....!!!" was all I could do about it. And as I held out the chocolates which she desired the most with a sheepish grin, she bounced over it immediately smiling all over her face! Even a Mastercard can't buy you that! :-D

Last Monday was supposed to be our department symposium (which we ourselves hate...! duh!) and it needed our valuable(!) contributions in designing charts for the events that were to be held. I took charge over "Play with Circuits" with some time-consuming idea which I called myself innovative ( yeah, later everyone agreed with it!). The idea was to write PLAY WITH CIRCUITS with all the circuit elements which you can think of, and it came out much better than what was expected. Appreciations and class bunks - that was all I needed! ;-)

My passion towards Telugu has been increasing quite madly these days and I don't know why! A Pal of mine dropped in to give me "Koncham Ishtam Koncham Kashtam", a recent time telugu super hit and I must admit that I enjoyed every reel of it. Maybe I badly needed some relaxation, I guess. A very simple story with neat presentation makes it stand apart from other crap run-in-the-mill Telugu flicks. Music (Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy) and Cinematography deserve mention adding rich color to the movie. Siddharth was at his best and Tamanna looked cute as ever! Worth killing 3 hours for relaxation! :-)

And nowadays I find a group always coming around me trying to find out whether am I committed or not.....!!! LOL! "Dude, are you committed?" is one question which I came across almost a dozen times last week. I have no idea what makes them ask such questions suddenly. Well, I don't find myself good enough to get committed. I'm no Boyfriend material either.....! :-|

And before I wind up, let me leave you with this feel good track from "Koncham Ishtam Koncham Kashtam"...

Wish to write "sensible" posts soon....! :-P

Heading Nowhere...

Yet another week in the sequel of nothing-goes-my-way run. Draining me out, completely and emotionally! Chiseling me into shambles and smithereens, making me look more like an utter crap ( wasn't I already am?). With lots to regret and nothing to forget, I have no options but to continue taking whatever comes. Life has never thrown options towards me, leaving only with compromises and no better replacements. Or is it just that everything is messed up in my head or myself being a messed up creature altogether?! Questions storm within me which could very well be answered only by me. (Not that I wanna show off that nobody understands my feelings and nobody has the answers to my questions and all that crap!) Few, I repeat, only few have been extremely supportive at every moment, be it Good or Bad. A source of respite for me, when I look low to their eyes. This post has just popped out during one such low and Bad phase of mine, considering that Good times don't remain forever and always, being very obvious.

I have noticed this right since my childhood. Being gifted with everything best around, and cursed of being unable to relish it and posses it at any time later. Things which seemed reasonable to be desired by me weren't meant to be mine when I needed the most. The real world around doesn't interest me anymore. Now that is not surprising. Because the real world has never aroused my spirit. But I had this innate ability to create an internal world within myself and be safely tucked in there. Yeah, I HAD that ability. That amazing ability to disconnect myself from te real world and connect with an inner world has been taken away. Now I grope for thoughts to fill my empty moments, but in vain. People whom I loved in real remained the same in my virtual life. All I could imagine was the better version of what I was. But later, it wasn't meant to be too. Regrets enough! All I can do is, post this meaningless bullshit which keeps accumulating my empty space on the top, just for the heck of it! Maybe, its time I move on... For the sake of filling up empty moments, and for the sake of feeling alive in life.... Once again.....

Everything around me is just so fine,
But nothing really seems to be mine....

On the lighter side, let me leave you with a couple of Thalaivar Rajnikanth's dialogs which are promising truths.... ;-)

1. "Kedaikaradhu kedaikaama irukkadhu... Kedaikkama irukaradhu kedaikadhu....!" [You get only what you deserve] :)

2. "Nallavana aandavan sodhippan, aana kai vida maatan... Kettavanukku aandavan ellathayum tharuvan, aana kai vittuduvan....!" [The Good is always tested, but never let down by God. Whereas the Bad gets gifted with everything, but will be hopeless someday] :D

So, naan nallavanaa illa kettavanaa?! :P

P.S: Don't try finding coherence with the lines I scribbled in this state.

Cheers to Life...!!! (Though it has nothing to offer me.)

See ya!

Tagged !!!

I got tagged too, so I decide to write few things about me. (Err... Just one another lame excuse for not being able to "think" much to write during the holidays!)

So here we go...

Ten things I wish I could say to the people whom I love...

1. I've always cared for you nevertheless of whatever I do.
2. Without you, life wouldn't have been so interesting.
3. You are the best thing I can ever get.
4. I miss you a lot. More than I can ever express.
5. I wish I knew you better.
6. I wish you reciprocate something back, of what I give you.
7. I completely understand whenever you say you are busy. I just pretend otherwise.
8. Please don't ignore me. Losing you is my biggest fear.
9. You made me feel special. Thank you!
10. Love you lots!!! Though I never say it out.



Nine things about myself...

1. I have a good heart as you know it well. And I can boast about it till I fall.
2. Trains are in my blood. Anyone here?
3. I’m an absolute absent minded freak.
4. I hate to show attitude on my loved ones. I'm kind enough to forgive people.
5. "Thanks" and "Sorry" are the words which I use the most. They don't cost a penny.
6. Daydreaming??? Oh yeah!!!
7. I save money. That doesn't mean I'm stingy.
8. I don't trust anyone easily. But you can trust me. Infact most of them does.
9. I hate to say "Goodbye". Well what's the "Good" in it?



Eight ways to win my heart...

1. Be modest and honest. Tell me the truth, even if it hurts.
2. When you are with me, try to be with me.
3. I hate being ignored, I say this a thousand times and that's what the above one means too.
4. Make me laugh and laugh with me. I'm sure I can make you happy.
5. Have deep conversations with me. You can very well share your secrets.
6. Let me be a part of both your happiness and sorrow.
7. Don't boast too much about yourself before me. I'll be laughing inside.
8. And most importantly, your looks never ever matter to me.



Seven things that cross my mind a lot...

1. Future?!!
2. What power are my favorite trains gonna get today?
3. Let me put up a chat with him/her now.
4. Yeah, my parents are watching me... Sniff!
5. Why am I being ignored by a few?!
6. Is this life really worth living it?
7. How am I gonna fare this semester?! Just for the heck of it.



Six things I wish I never did...

1. I shouldn't have taken up Engineering... Sick!!!
2. I shouldn't have met few, till now and forever.
3. I shouldn't have allowed those few to boss over me.
4. I shouldn't have experimented much with myself.
5. I shouldn't have trusted few too much.
6. I shouldn't be regretting like this now!!!




Five turn off's...

1. Ignorance.
2. Advise... Goddamn I can organise myself more than what you think!
3. Bossing over me.
4. Lack of freedom.
5. Curd... Yuck!!!





Four turn on's...

1. Making friendship... I'm ready!
2. You like me? I don't need anything else...
3. Are you happy? I would always love to see it!
4. Rail-fanning... Yes sir!







Three things I want to do before I die...

1. Make my Parents, Buddies and my Partner feel that they wouldn't have got a better one than me.
2. Charity from the money I earn.
3. Die before my loved ones die...





Two smileys that describe me...

;-)
:-O







One confession...

I shall never change myself for anyone... Because I'm already being liked for what I am. (I think and hope so.....!!!)






CHEERS TO LIFE !!! :)

We whacked 'em at WACA!!!

"And obviously I am not here to review about what the shit is happening in the politics or the world of football or cricket since I find many of my co-bloggers doing a better job!"
Well these are the lines which are none other than mine from my very first post. But now, i can't resist from writing this one though i may continue refraining from such kinda stuff hereafter. It couldn't get better than this either!

There's a saying "Nice guys finish last!" But on a sensational Saturday, en route to registering what might go down as India's greatest ever test win, Kumble's team proved that nice guys can just win it in style. Like in 2001, this win halted the Aussies' march towards a record 17th consecutive test win making it a sweet revenge after the Sydney fiasco! And with the WACA being the perfect battleground, which is considered as the fastest pitch in the world. Even though i hadn't been following the past two tests since i had college, luckily i got a chance to watch almost every ball of this fast paced Armageddon (courtesy : my local cable tv operator or whoever it is. You have the CAS - Conditional Access System and the damned set-top-box thingy in Chennai. Doh!)

After winning hearts by withdrawing the abuse charge against Brad Hogg which anyone would have guessed as a goodwill gesture from a submissive team, Kumble believed otherwise. He badly wanted to win though the thought of exacting revenge never crossed their minds. And the much awaited inclusion of Pathan and Sehwag obviously didn't let the team go down in any aspect! Sehwag, even though not providing a boisterous knock, full credit to him for chipping in with a good opening knock in the first and for picking up 2 vital wickets in the final innings which almost decided the fate of the match. And Pathan has once again emerged as the pace spearhead for India using the new ball efficiently in getting the early breakthroughs, his batting too played an important part! Another notable performance was obviously Ishant Sharma who was all successful in picking up the Punter on both the occasions. And Kumble will go down the history for his 600 wickets and Dravid becoming the second highest catcher alongside a number of feats by the team in this match!

Overall it was once again the team effort which got the much deserved victory for us. A victory considered the best overseas, more significant than the Twenty20 WC, and more significant than any other one in the history of Indian cricket! They have yet again proved that they can pounce back over the opposition and can make millions of hearts to celebrate. Lets hope that every encounter be a victory and every victory be a reason for those millions of hearts to celebrate which includes You, Me and every Indian! Chak De India!!!

Just For A Namesake....

Hello!
Yeah, it has been more than a month since my last post and here i am back! But just for a namesake anyway. Well i was unable to think of anything else since i have been having my cycle tests and that too a non-stop one! And my performance in those aren't to be questioned. Wasn't bad anyway. College life is quite frustrating indeed as far as these tests go. Anyways nothing much seems to be interesting in the recent past. Diwali was just one another namesake! No getting up early, no bursting crackers and nothing. I don't have the patience to do all those, lighting up a cracker and watching it get busted. And its just a waste of money i feel! Diwali is just like any other day in the year for me. But it was actually the day after when we friends decided to have a blast! We planned on a hangout to the citi center and made it there by the MRTS and its always fun to travel by it. Every hangout of ours remains incomplete without the MRTS! And after some window shopping and eating business we still found it was too early to leave with nothing much left to do over there. Beach was just a 10 minute walk from there and the rest was as usual. Made it to home by 1030pm anyway!

Even the days after hadn't been as interesting as it could be. No movie watching, no blogging and to hell with these tests, they were also a namesake. I never took them seriously anyway! They are just one another crap which screws up your happiness. The weeks ahead look bleak since none of us know when they get over! And adding more misery are the unit tests which are to start on december 12th. Man! how many tests can a person write? Worse than a school. School was just heaven compared to this college! But yeah! I have got well settled with the atmosphere here and the people around me. Thats the only respite i got from this place. Very easily made some good friends and now we are a gang of 6! Just planning to do something big that would make people turn behind us!

Hmmm.... Now i am seriously thinking on what my next blog would be. And with a busy schedule ahead i would hardly get time to do some blogging. Hope it wouldnt be for a namesake!

Here I Am.... Atlast

All it takes is just a Gmail account and five minutes around to create a blog and I wonder what have i been doing all these days. My pals have also been urging me to do so. I still hope that I could ve done this much before. Anyway now I am the proud owner of my own blog! Or my own website to be more precise. Hi !!! This is Darius. An 18 year old engineering student still wondering how the world had arrived at the quote "Engineering Is Fun"! Sheesh... I find the subjects rather disgusting and for a guy like me who feels physics more nauseating rather than interesting, this is not the place to be in. But things have gotta happen as they have to and no regrets. And switching over to my cyber-name I have been looking around for one which really does satisfy me. And it was when one of my buddy had suggested this name DARIUS, a greek name it is. And rather describing myself what kinda person I am, I would rather like to show them in my posts which will be flagged away shortly. And obviously I am not here to review about what the shit is happening in the politics or the world of football or cricket since I find many of my co-bloggers doing a better job! This is no place for journalism. I would rather take this as an opportunity where I look back at my journey of life so far. Not a diary entry exactly, but anything other than that I come across which I find interesting and worth posting will definitely come up as soon as possible! Catch you up very soon in my next post.... Cheers!